The Lord has convicted me of quite a few things (that's an understatement). I have been so quick to turn to the latest "self help" book, a Christian speaker, a sermon, and song, etc. Not only do I turn to those things for myself, but I often recommend them to others, thinking that it can help "fix" them or their problem. Don't get me wrong, these aren't necessarily bad things at all, but they will never be the solution to our deepest need. We are in need of Jesus. It's not that I forgot about the Lord during all of my attempts to solve a problem, but He wasn't who I sought first. I never knew that my mind got in the way as much as it does. It has been so frustrating because I don't have the ability or power to fix it. That's just the point. There is nothing that we can do. And this is just an example of any type of bondage we are trying to get free from. We can try every physical thing possible to attempt to conquer the issue, but until we realize that it's an issue with our inner man and our sinful nature, we will never truly be set free. It's like we are pulling the leaves off of the tree but never digging out the roots. We get so discouraged and disheartened because we fall right back into our situation that we are trying so desperately to sever. But then, when we actually realize that we are powerless to fix ourselves, there is freedom and a sense of relief. It's the Lord's job to renew our minds. He just wants us to abide. That's all we have to do! As long as we are submitting to Him and offering our being to Him, He will do the transforming work! If you ask me, that is some gooooood news.
I have been learning so much about the Lord's discipline and His cutting. He disciplines those He loves! I welcome His discipline and cutting, even though it is painful. He loves us, so He refines us. Lord, I praise you for your discipline! I am more able to recognize this discipline and cutting in my life. I look back on a lot of things, and now I can see that it was the Lord's hand. That's such a beautiful thing.
Christ is becoming my reality. I'm realizing more and more that this life is not about me. It really doesn't matter in the scheme of things where I live, where I work, if I get married, how much money I have, etc. If I allow any of that, along with many other things, to consume me more than Christ does, I have it all wrong. Yes, I do believe that the Lord wants to bless us and give us good gifts, but these things shouldn't be why I live. They shouldn't be my drive. All of these things fail in comparison to knowing Christ. How sweet is it to know that because I am one with the Lord, His desires become my desires and vice versa. For so long, I never grasped Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." I only thought that I understood. The key is that we must commit to Him first and foremost. It is then that our desires our fulfilled because our desires ARE His desires!
On a different note, I almost forgot to share my excitement about getting to play in the snow! About a week and a half ago, after we finished up one night, we all went outside to find it snowing! We went crazy with snow balls, and we even tried to slide down the hill on cookie sheets. I wish all of you could have seen the barn covered in snow. I was so glad that the Lord gave us that gift, especially since I never get to experience it.
Also, I would greatly appreciate it if y'all could pray for me, specifically for my sleep. I haven't had good sleep in months, and it started before I got to LEGACY. Some nights aren't as bad as others, but I don't think I have gone a night without dreaming. They usually aren't nightmares, but some just make me very upset. I wake up feeling restless, like my mind has been running all night. They are distracting and disturbing. My sweet brothers and sisters have been praying for me, and there are several who ask me almost every morning how I slept. There have been several nights that I have woken up in the night, and I just call out to God. Some nights I have fallen asleep just saying His name, because that is all I know to do. Last night, all I remember is waking up from a dream, still halfway asleep, and saying out loud, "JESUS" and then falling back to sleep. I am just praying for peace when I sleep. I know a lot of times the Lord is just trying to tell us things or reveal things to us in our dreams, but I don't see that in the dreams that I am having. I'm still trusting and praying!
Jesus is peace. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I praise Him that when my emotions and thoughts are going everywhere, He is steady and constant. He is not a God of confusion. Praise You, Jesus.
The weather is beautiful. I think it is confused, though. I spent yesterday afternoon in shorts, a t-shirt, and bare foot while lying in a hammock on the barn porch. Yesterday morning we did "The Amazing Race" with five different teams. I haven't run that much in one day in a very long time. It has been almost a year since I played my last legit Ultimate game. Haha. It was a very fun day. Now I am sitting in the top of the barn next to an open window while the breeze blows through the room. I think I'm going to go spend some time with Dad now before dinner. I can't give enough thanks for all of your prayers. I can't imagine being anywhere else right now, because I am so confident that I am in the Lord's will. And His will is the greatest place I could ever be.